There are different kinds of women. Some are confident in themselves, and others are the complete opposite and totally insecure.
Information is knowledge and with knowledge comes power.
It’s important you understand the signs of insecure women. This will help you figure out whether you want to continue seeing this girl.
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Don’t kid yourself. We are all insecure to a degree and seeing a couple signals of insecurity isn’t enough evidence to throw in the towel.
If you think you are going to find a gal with zero insecurities, you are barking up the wrong tree. Mild insecurity is manageable. However, too much insecurity is a recipe for disaster.
Beware of that toxic woman who is loaded with insecure moments. You need to run far and fast from her.
Red Hot Signs Of Insecure Women
#1 – Miss Defensive
One of the in-your-face telltale signs of an insecure woman is taking everything as a criticism, so she lashes out at you defensively. Often, you don’t do a thing and she figures out a way to react.
This type of girl naturally reads way too much into things and makes a mountain out of a molehill.
#2 – Miss Control Freak
In a balanced and healthy relationship, both the guy and the gal never lose their independent identity. When a woman is insecure, she will feel threatened if you find any happiness outside your relationship life. Even when you are just hanging out with the guys, she’s going to get upset or uncomfortable.
Often, she’s going to try to interfere and guilt you into canceling your plans. Talk about a serious danger signal.
This lady wants to be the only thing in your life, and she will do whatever it takes to make sure that becomes your reality. She will lie, manipulate, and get bossy to keep you under her wing.
Is she always asking you where you were and questioning you about the details?
You might not notice this at first, but it will start snowballing, and you need to get out before you get trapped in a cycle of demeaning negativity.
#3 – Miss Jealous
A little innocent jealousy in a relationship is healthy. After all, hopefully, you care deeply about one another.
On the flip side, an overdose of jealousy is a solid signal pointing toward insecurity. Does her jealousy flare up when you are innocently talking with a pretty woman?
If you look at a girl, does she get nasty and start giving it to you? Often, insecure women play the victim and try to get the guy to feel bad.
This type of woman is worried about being traded in for a new model because she has low self-esteem and doesn’t deem herself worthy of you, although she will never admit that to your face in a zillion years.
Her tools to keep you in line include manipulation, jealousy, and playing the control card. She will have no trouble searching through your phone without your permission or hacking into your computer to read your emails.
Is this really the type of gal you want in your life romantically?
#4 – Miss Belittler
Insecure people love to belittle and bully others. All she’s doing is trying to make herself feel better about who she is, but it’s really a means to an end.
This tactic is a subconscious attack on your self-worth. She wants to take you down with her, so you feel bad too. So nasty, but sadly, it’s true.
Deep down, she really doesn’t know why you want her, and the only way she thinks she can keep you is to break you down, so you don’t have the confidence to stand on your own two feet.
Yikes, you better run fast!
#5 – Needy Reinforcement And Validation
Insecure women just aren’t comfortable in their own skin, and although she likes to belittle the crap out of you, she also needs your approval and support. She needs you to feel bad, so she can feel better about herself.
Judging others creates her self-worth because she has no internal belief in who she is or the values she possesses.
Insecure people need a constant supply of flattery, which makes her clingy. It doesn’t take long for this type of women to drain you mentally and emotionally.
This woman is going to brag before it feels fabulous, and it pushes people to give her more attention. She is an attention seeker.
#6 – Casting The Spell Of Insecurity And Guilty Shame
Insecure girls like to make their partners feel guilty about doing things outside the relationship. Has she ever made you feel bad about hanging out with your family or friends or even going to the gym without her?
Insecure people have a habit of trying to make other people insecure too. These women never look for acceptance outside the relationship, and they don’t understand why their partner would even try.
She’s going to do her best to break you from your family and friends because she wants you all to herself. This woman will go so far as to make you choose between her and your family. Holy crap that’s nasty!
This narcissistic behavior is only easily seen if you are looking for it. If you’ve got a secure partner, she will understand and be happy, not needing all your attention.
#7 – Grudge Galore
An insecure woman will do her best to hold a grudge forever. Why? Well, she doesn’t think she deserves your love, so she will keep the grudge as collateral.
This will change your behavior and make you feel like you’re walking on broken glass continuously. You know the tiniest thing will set her off. This type of girl just doesn’t know how to forgive because she has no idea how to love unconditionally.
#8 – Miss Overreact Queen
Typically, this type of insecure woman will try to make you feel like an idiot and guilty and hold a rock-solid grudge. These things happen slowly, and everything is always blown way out of proportion.
This trait helps lift her and shove your face in the dirt. Need I remind you she finds no value in herself, and that’s why she’s got to use you for validation.
#9 – The Blame Game
No matter what, she will never acknowledge her flaws or weaknesses and will continue to blame everything on someone else. Pointing the finger is an automatic with a seriously insecure woman.
Deep inside, she knows her flaws, but she doesn’t have the confidence to admit them to you or anyone else.
Someone is always going after her and setting her up to fail. She is frustrated she can’t move forward in life because she’s unable to take responsibility for her own actions. This lady has no idea how to learn from her mistakes.
#10 No Honesty Talk Ever
In time, a relationship will show you your flaws that need to be addressed. Conflict arises in time with any relationship. An insecure woman won’t open herself up to serious discussions about your relationship because she can’t see her flaws; she refuses to.
Newsflash! If you want a healthy relationship, you will have to have open heart to heart conversations from time to time. This may be difficult, but it’s got to happen if you want your union to grow.
If you want a successful relationship, you’ve got to see the flaws in each other and take responsibility for them.
Insecure women won’t look at their weaknesses, and constructive criticism just doesn’t float her boat. Bottom line…It’s impossible to have an open and meaningful conversation about the serious side of your relationship with a messed up, insecure women.
#11 – Welcomes Failure
Insecure people take pleasure watching other people fail because they consider themselves failures too.
If your girlfriend won’t support your dreams and tries to tell you that you’re wrong and you need to set different goals, she’s insecure and you don’t need her.
Insecure people are negative, and they love misery. Watch yourself or she will steal your happiness too.
#12 – This Gal Needs You To Want And Need Her
It’s nice to feel needed, and it’s nice to hear someone say they can’t live without you. In most relationships, this doesn’t go past the surface. It’s just a sweet figure of speech.
If you are secure, you know you don’t need another person to be happy. In a healthy relationship, people stay together by choice. You should stay with your partner because you want to, not because you feel you have to.
If your woman needs you to want her, she’s not the woman you need in your life.
This kind of woman wants you to feel so crappy and weak that you will stay with her forever. She thinks, if you don’t feel you need her, then you will run. Security and confidence are a threat to an insecure woman.
No doubt, this explains why she likes to demand you, control you, manipulate you, and tell you what to do.
#13 – She Drops Her Life To Be The One And Only In Your Life
It’s clear insecure women hate themselves; that’s why they want to jump right into your life for validation.
In a healthy relationship, you have happy independence from your partner, but you also have that part of your life that you merge. It’s the shared space in your relationship that is important.
Insecure girls don’t have that separate space with her own stuff, so she has to dive into yours. Almost immediately, your relationship with her will become the priority in her life. She won’t care about her friends or hobbies because you will come first.
You might not notice this until after the fact. As you start spending more time together, see how much of herself she is throwing away to make sure she is always with you. If she’s a diver, you better watch out.
How Do You Let Go Of Insecurity In A Relationship?
Tip Two – Knock It Off With The Psyching Out
Many women are insecure in relationships and one way they combat this is to slow down her mind and kick the negative thinking to the curb. It makes sense to say the way she thinks is going to impact her relationship. So it’s important you have productive thoughts in her head.
It won’t take you long to figure out if the girl you are with is battling with insecurities. Unless they are interfering directly with your relationship moving forward naturally, this sort of thing shouldn’t be too much of a big deal.
Tip Three – Let Go Of The Baggage
Everyone has been in a relationship, at one time or another, where they have wanted to wish it all away forever. You’ve got baggage and so does pretty much any woman you are ever going to date. What’s important is that you don’t bring this past baggage into the relationship. Women seem to be notorious for this and it’s a very bad move.
You don’t want to hear about her evil ex and how he screwed her over again and again and she doesn’t want to hear about the psycho you used to live with. That crap will kill your relationship fast. And when it comes to feeling insecure, bringing all that baggage to the table screams insecurity.
Tip Four – Black And White Doesn’t Work
If you’ve got an issue with your girlfriend, make sure whatever you do that you don’t point the finger at her. Not unless you are ready for a fight. Keep your door open for compassion and understanding and accept the fact that, sometimes, you’re going to be right, and other times, you’re going to be wrong. That’s just how the relationship cookie crumbles and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Tip Five – Talk About The Uncomfortable Stuff
Don’t forget, she’s got fears and she needs to feel comfortable to tell you about them and trust you with them. Which means you should never ever throw them back in her face.
Make a point of talking about the tough stuff with her and respect each other enough to listen to what’s on each other’s mind. This is vital if you are going to kick her insecurities to the curb, so you can build a strong and healthy long-term relationship.
The Do’s And Don’ts Of Dating An Insecure Woman
Regardless of the damage from a past relationship, it’s not weird for someone’s confidence to take a smack after a negative experience. Many people recover; however, some guys and gals bring the negative with them, and eventually, it causes an end to it all.
It’s challenging to date an insecure person. You don’t have to give up. Here are a few tactics that will help you figure out the best move for you.
Don’t: Think It’s Only About You
If your girlfriend doesn’t want to go out, you need to stop yourself from assuming it’s because of you. Maybe she had a bad day or didn’t sleep well?
It’s important you stop psychoanalyzing yourself all the time. That’s just not healthy.
Don’t criticize your partner for being too quiet or for not doing what you think they should be doing. Just grab your partner’s hand and enjoy the silence. There’s no reason you can’t enjoy each other without saying a thing.
Do: Give Compliments With Meaning
There’s no doubt compliments go a long way in any relationship. This is an easy tool that will help you build confidence and self-esteem. If your partner is looking amazing, make sure you tell them.
Make a point to compliment them on their hair, clothes, smile, personality, and so on. This is setting you up for a bonus to get a nice compliment in return.
Don’t: Set Her Off
It doesn’t take much to set off an insecure woman. She’s insecure about herself and isn’t comfortable stepping outside her comfort zone.
If you know she is sensitive about her weight, make sure you don’t comment on it. If she doesn’t like her style, don’t make any comments about it, negative or positive. Why? An insecure person will find a way to flip it, no matter how positive you wanted the message to be.
Do: Make Sure You Build Her Confidence
Understand, if you are tackling the challenge of dating a woman who’s severely insecure, you need to take action to help build her confidence level. To do this, you need to open your heart to her and let her know you realize she needs a little more confidence. Don’t back down on this point but keep it gentle.
The last thing you want to do is offend her.
The more you help her believe in herself, the better. Stick with it and let her know you are there for her.
Don’t: Challenge Her On Her Insecurities
The worst thing you can do is challenge her on her insecurities. These are her weak points, and remember, she has little to zero belief in herself. Work around this by giving her the sincere positive comments she deserves but make sure you let her know she can’t run all over you.
Reassure her that you are looking out for her best interests because you believe in her and that your wish is for her to believe in herself. This approach will either make or break your relationship, but it’s got to be done.
Don’t forget there is a reason or many reasons for her insecurities, many of which might not be under her control. You are best to reassure her that you are there for her when she is ready.
Better to find out sooner than later, don’t you think?
Just be sure you don’t tap too deeply into her insecurities if you are serious about making something long-term with this woman.
Final Words
Insecure women are difficult to deal with. That’s a total understatement, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible to create a loving and giving union with a woman that doesn’t have the power to believe in herself.
Don’t give up if you feel she’s worth it. If you can picture yourself with her in the long run, you need to accept this will take time and patience.
Talk to her about what you think and don’t let her manipulate or control you to try to avoid the questions. If she is firm on doing this, then you’ve got no choice but to walk away.
Often, a woman just needs you to show her you believe in her and then the walls come down and the doors open.
Reader Interactions
Comments
This was very helpful, and very nicely written. Thank you.
I still love her, she has amazing qualities but continuous aquasations of me looking at other woman or questioning me of cheating on her made me paranoid, it was painful, beyond belief. I never once did any of that. I will go to my grave, whether it’s in her mind or she just wanted to hurt me I dont know… Also after the fact I discovered a facebook account with my name and our pictures on it but when confronting her on it she dismissed it? Also she has a blocked google plus account which shows all her relationships since 2013 not one person on that page is a friend or family member that I’m aware of.. And she wonders why I wanted a prenaup?.I’m not the only one she is mad about ! Come to find out she had a boyfriend Jeff less than a month before me..we met in Sept married in april 2018 seperated in end of may. I quit my job started drinking excessively and had my lawyer do my communicating. We got back together end of Aug..than seperated last day of Oct…I let my house go car go three out all my stuff bed couch, kitchen table..fridge stove dryer fridge..i felt rage but I love her and it hurts so much. she is calling me a narracist physcopath on her google plus page..Supposedly she had no social media stuff makes me wonder? I got really upset at her our last night together and landed in Jail! I was out of line but she could have opened the door that night and answered her phone at 8am-9am. That scared me..not blaming her for that but…I lost trust..I’m sure she wont see it my way.. I felt a need to apologize to her for my actions cuz I totally cut contact and moved away..we are not all perfect.. I still cant imagine anyone replacing her. But after that my kids were involved I need a ride home a 3 hour drive. She called me at 11am it was to late it was my birthday. I spent 5 hours in Jail and the next day in court. Like I said that’s on me..I coukd go on and on..but ( she is my soul mate) but we would end up loving again and fighting so took drastic steps to get away…
Damn brotha thank you for sharing this I hope you find peace in your heart.
Bill the Cat says
Jealous girlfriends sometimes are projecting. Projection is when a person deals with their own guilt by accusing others of the same feelings or actions. That is, if she’s accusing you of cheating, she’s either cheating herself or thinking of cheating.
If you don’t have a wandering eye, don’t get defensive when she gets jealous. Instead, take it as a warning sign that her mind naturally drifts to the subject of cheating.
If I only found this sooner I’d be back to my old self and she would be long gone! Great piece , thanks
You literally read my relationship
Outstanding read on the truths and pains of these kinds of relationships .
Thank you for the overview
His been so busy lately and I haven’t seen him in three days buh he stays give minutes away from my house ,,it’s driving me insane I miss him ..I hope he misses me too
Thanks for this. At least I know I am not crazy. I go through 80% of this daily. She was upset on my bithday. Because I am more friendly with people other than her. She brings up issues that were settled years ago, she can sulk for days over something I have no idea I did, When I want to settle the issue she dosent want to respond or contribute to a solution. Some times down right ignoring my questions. I have been blamed for things that were totally or possibly out of my control even our inability to have kids. I have cried. She is vexed when ever I spend time with my family. Hates most of my female friends. She has stopped being sexual, says men are the ones who should initiate sex. Goes through my chats and social media when I am asleep, combing through for any red flags or hints. I can’t use nice words for my female friends. (Hello love, dear, sweet heart) bends rules and can not stick to a commitment. Belittles me, tells me I can’t say no, all my friends are using me. A serious lack of tolerance and long suffering.
I thought I was the only one going through this sort of thing. Mine goes through my text, and make complains about me commenting on my female friends post. She makes it’s look like we shouldn’t have friends just we. And like she should be the only one having friends
I somewhat go through the same thing, it’s very frustrating but I’ve been a little more intolerant of it recently………
Malcolm Lewis says
I’m dealing with this type of woman..Are you still together?
This was really helpful indeed. Mine girlfriend nags a lot about issues that I term as unnecessary, she’s complains about how I treat my female friends, and she says stuff like, “you don’t have to act all nice to people all the time”. She just wants to fill in my every space. Sometimes our outings are irrelevant, but yet she keeps requesting that we go out. And she’s more of Nomophobia. She’s got this silly addiction to her iPhone. Sometimes it’s seems like I’m in competition with her phone for attention, she chats a lot, but if I should chat for about 40 minutes, we’re bound to have issues. And she’s so damn obsessed with Pictures. She could take a thousand pictures a day. And now the new issues is about her excess spending on irrelevant things. Mostly when she’s angry she just go around buying things. And it makes her look so materialistic. She’s got 0% love for religion and books, or poetry, which are things I love. All she cares about is the Hollywood lifestyle and fine celebrities. She’s always in competition with what I don’t know. it’s frustrating and complicating. But I still have this feeling for her. Gosh
You are very patient with your love. If my boyfriend did that he would be my ex in no time. Try to talk to her and understand why she is doing that. If there is no reason then I don’t know what to say. It’s not just girls who stay in a toxic relationship guys too. Pls, don’t do that to yourself. You deserve better. Heck, everyone deserver better. Show her the bigger picture by making a list of things she does that she needs to stop. When you are in a cycle it’s hard to see the bigger picture. Do the same with her. Ask her what you do that… Even if you don’t do it. Acknowledge it not say you did it, but say ” I understand that is a bad behavior from my part if I did it, I will never do that again”, something like that. If she is still not budging. I would advise you point out the insecurity in her and vamos.
I dnt know if m just being insecure or not ,, he’s always telling me tht his busy recently buh he doesn’t want to tell me what is keeping him so busy ..he doesn’t call , text or visit me like he used to …this feeling sucks I just want the old him back
This was spot on. I just got finished with an argument with my insecure wife. I go down in the basement to use the bath room. While using the bathroom, I call my mom to check on her. My daughter tells my wife that I am in the basement on the phone. I even text my wife while I am on the phone with my mom and we still get into a fight. She leaves when I go outside to cut the grass. Then comes back and asked me why I didn’t call her. Really. You left because you were in your feelings, didn’t say one word to me and then you ask me why I didn’t call you. Then she said I was being sneaky. I was on the toilet talking to my mom, I even told her to call my mom and showed her my cell. That turns into I deleted it. Whatever man. My wife says I am too friendly as well and she has no friends because if her attitude. She often seems like she is in competition with my mom and kids. She says things like, you don’t talk to your mom like that and you call and check on your mom and girls and don’t call to check on me which is a huge lie. I don’t hang out with my friend because I feel bad because she is at home by herself, I try to push her to go out with co workers and she will not. I took myself off of all social media to help cure her insecurities and it hasn’t. I go from work to home and she still says she doesn’t trust me. She keeps making reference to me emailing my female co worker which I did to give my condolences for her losing her father and telling her she makes my job alot easier. O’yea, my freakin boss was cc’ed in the work email. So I had delete the email because she called my job looking for the girl. Great way to get me fired and she still bring this up to this day. This was 1 year ago by the way. When she gets upset she calls me a bi@#h, talks about my body and other hurtful things. Sometimes I ingore it but other times I fire back off at her with issues with her body. I know that is not right but I speak out if anger. She will try to get a rise out of me by taking my xbox. She use to take her ring off and block me from Facebook when she got upset but honestly I got over that and I am not on Facebook so I could care less. I am a man of faith and I pray about it and it has gotten a little better but everytime she get upset she turns a Moe hill into a mountain and wants to aruge for days and gets even more upset with I ignore her. I am tired of the back and fourth and being told I am not a man when I take care of 80% of everything around here. We just had a tornado and I was the one who work everyone up to get them to the basement. Being doing the clean up while having the kids and I called off work to do so, so she could go to work. She tells me to get a divorce but I tell her to get it if she chooses to but she never does. It’s like she wants me to do it and out if pure pride, I believe she would sign it. One time I told her I would and she started crying. Like why would you bring it up then? So we just went on vacation and she spent most of the time mad at me because she said I was looking at other women. Then she asked me why we don’t have s*x as often as we use to. I told her plain and simple, I am not one if those guys who are turned in by fighting and drama. When you bring drama, it’s the last thing on my mind. Being kind, loving, appreciative and thoughtful turns me on because you are noticing my efforts. Sorry I wrote so much but I am very frustrated with my marriage. Everytime I thinks is going great this stuff happens. All because I call my mom on the toilet. Just pray for me who ever reads this, I have my faults as well but I do give her understanding, that and our unconditional love is why I am still here.
Why do you always call your mother from the toilet in the first place? What a habit. I find it weird!
Tuesday, December 1, 2020