It’s a question I haven’t been able to answer since my kids asked me when they were in elementary school: What’s the big deal about boobs?
Most men will easily say it’s because they look nice, but I’m looking for the deeper psychological reason why. Men are the only male mammals fascinated by breasts in a sexual context and humans are also the only species in which males caress, massage and orally stimulate female breasts during foreplay and sex.
Men’s fascinations with hooters go back to the beginning of time. There are Paleolithic cave art and sculptures dating 35,000 years ago that portray naked women with ginormous jugs.
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It’s odd how society calls that sculpture art, but calls this painstakingly well-lit and posed photograph pornography.
It’s generally never okay or appropriate for a woman to show off or display her full-on naked boobs in public or on social media. A woman can get arrested, her Facebook account suspended, or lose her job for showing that part of her body in those ways. We don’t let children see nude breasts until they turn the magical age of 18, and even then there’s a lot of finger wagging, shaming and calling moral character into question when they do.
In his theory of evolution, Charles Darwin believed that men are attracted to bazooms because they indicate a woman’s ability to bear children. I don’t buy that. Most men I know aren’t looking to be a baby daddy. If anything, it’s women who talk about getting pregnant and having babies. Trust me. With two daughters-in-law in their early and mid-20’s, I hear this all the time. I was like that, too, when I was their age. It drove my ex-husband nuts.
Another recent theory suggests that there’s some kind of mother-infant bonding brain circuitry that goes on to form bonds between lovers. But what about men who were bottle fed as babies? Or men who just want sex for the sake of sex with emotional attachment to an available vagina?
A lot of guys say they love boobs because they feel nice to touch or snuggle up against. As the mother of two male offspring, I can attest that boob lust starts long before a boy will ever get to second base. Prepubescent boys will talk about and stare at hooters every chance they get.
Is it because of the soft, round shapes and curves of breasts that make look like they feel good? Is it intrigue because they’re often covered? But what about guys who spend hours searching for pictures and videos of bare naked tits on the Internet? Big tits. Small tits. Tits that wiggle. Tits that jiggle. Tits with aereolas the size of teacup saucers. Tits with nipples that look as small and sharp and thumbtacks. Tits that wiggle. Tits that jiggle. They don’t even have to come with bodies or faces, just as long as they’re tits.
Are advertising and the media the reasons why we’re so obsessed with knockers? Pick up any magazine, from Shape to even YM, and you’re bound to see more cleavage than in the Grand Canyon. The same is true of bus ads, fashion catalogs and every other manner of marketing material. They’re in our faces all day long. On the other hand, I say that advertising capitalizes on our fascination with breasts. Looking at click-through rates over the past few months on my site, ads that have photos of provocatively dressed women are clicked on more often than ads that just show products or company logos.
I don’t have the perfect boobs. I wish they were bigger and rounder, but I still like them. I love when they fill out the right top or when the right top makes them look good. I love wearing fancy bras even though Parrot never seems to be impressed with any kind of big fake-out. He knows what’s underneath. He enjoys looking at, touching, squeezing, sucking, pinching and biting them. They’re as much fun for him as they are for me.
I think I finally found my answer. Boobs are a big deal because they’re fun. They’re the kind of fun that most men don’t get to have every day.